Flourishing in the Seasons
My life is a mixture of significant seasons. For months I experience a season of summer; complete bliss with my head in the clouds and my mind full of exciting dreams and plans.At some point, I transition into a crisp autumn in which life is changing, friends are moving away, and I am discovering more of who I am. Some seasons are like a blooming spring, where dandelions blossom everywhere. There is so much to look forward to, and I can clearly see how God has been working in my life.
However, we all recognize the winter seasons in our life. The daylight getting shorter and shorter, feeling trapped inside the house, with winter blues taking over. For me, these winter seasons are often in the midst of hard times, and I feel like I am stuck in a rut with no way out, and no end in sight.
I found myself in this exact spot almost exactly a year ago, on the bathroom floor with the shower running, to block out the sound of my tears. I had a lot of hopes and dreams for the future, but slowly with time, leaves had begun to fall, ending in a pile of lost hope frozen over by the bitter winter of heartbreak. I sat on the ground asking God how I was ever going to make it through. I felt so far away from Him, and so disconnected with myself. I felt like a failure.
I think we have all been in similar situations. Whether it is due to a lost relationship, through difficult family situations, to illnesses such as depression, we have all had to face hurt in our lives. Sometimes quite honestly, it may feel like a never ending cycle of seasons, and if you live in Manitoba like me, the winter season seems far too long.
In these moments, I think we often develop this mentality of having to get over it. We tell ourselves that we are just being weak, and that we need to simply endure. "God is good, so I need to just trust and try harder". This mentality, at least in my experience, is like closing the blinds to a blizzard outside, and putting on shades and shorts, claiming it is actually summer.
I believe that God does not simply want us to pretend we are strong, but rather wants us to grow by actually working through our winter seasons. Instead of trying to just move on from our pain, I believe we all need to discover an outlet of expressing our struggles and hurt. So often we allow pain to build up inside of us until it erupts into one massive meltdown, or leaves us deeply scarred and tired from the weight of it. What if instead of holding on, we discovered a personal way to let go and hand it over to God?
I think of Jesus himself, who, in the Garden of Gethsemane was found crying out to God. He expressed his pain by crying out "Abba, Father... everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me" (Mark 14:36a). Here Jesus demonstrates His humanity by acknowledging His need to express His pain to the Father.
We all have a way to express our hurt. What is your outlet? Is it like Jesus, who needed to verbally process it with someone, with God? Or maybe it is through writing. Scribbling out every thought and every emotion, allowing the pages to fill as the weight on your shoulders lift. For many it is some sort of art. Libby Byrne expresses the healing power that opening up can have when she writes,"Art is a way of...being seen and heard in this way that makes a powerful difference. Art is an experience of connectedness, an assurance that we are not alone in our human journey" (Byrne, 116). This is true for any way you feel you best express yourself.
In my own experience, I did this through creating an art journal. My only rules were that I could not erase whatever I did, or practice. It had to be straight from the heart. The freedom that came when I left room for myself to be honest and vulnerable with my experiences changed everything. Instead of piling every hurt up, and questioning why it all felt so heavy, I laid out each burden in the form of a paint stroke, photograph or sketch. When we begin to unpack our burdens before God, we come to understand that not only is He big enough to handle them, but He loves us enough to carry us through each season.
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Byrne, Libby. 2016. “Grounded in the Sacred.” Colloquium 48 (2): 116–29
However, we all recognize the winter seasons in our life. The daylight getting shorter and shorter, feeling trapped inside the house, with winter blues taking over. For me, these winter seasons are often in the midst of hard times, and I feel like I am stuck in a rut with no way out, and no end in sight.I found myself in this exact spot almost exactly a year ago, on the bathroom floor with the shower running, to block out the sound of my tears. I had a lot of hopes and dreams for the future, but slowly with time, leaves had begun to fall, ending in a pile of lost hope frozen over by the bitter winter of heartbreak. I sat on the ground asking God how I was ever going to make it through. I felt so far away from Him, and so disconnected with myself. I felt like a failure.
I think we have all been in similar situations. Whether it is due to a lost relationship, through difficult family situations, to illnesses such as depression, we have all had to face hurt in our lives. Sometimes quite honestly, it may feel like a never ending cycle of seasons, and if you live in Manitoba like me, the winter season seems far too long.
In these moments, I think we often develop this mentality of having to get over it. We tell ourselves that we are just being weak, and that we need to simply endure. "God is good, so I need to just trust and try harder". This mentality, at least in my experience, is like closing the blinds to a blizzard outside, and putting on shades and shorts, claiming it is actually summer.
I believe that God does not simply want us to pretend we are strong, but rather wants us to grow by actually working through our winter seasons. Instead of trying to just move on from our pain, I believe we all need to discover an outlet of expressing our struggles and hurt. So often we allow pain to build up inside of us until it erupts into one massive meltdown, or leaves us deeply scarred and tired from the weight of it. What if instead of holding on, we discovered a personal way to let go and hand it over to God?
I think of Jesus himself, who, in the Garden of Gethsemane was found crying out to God. He expressed his pain by crying out "Abba, Father... everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me" (Mark 14:36a). Here Jesus demonstrates His humanity by acknowledging His need to express His pain to the Father.
We all have a way to express our hurt. What is your outlet? Is it like Jesus, who needed to verbally process it with someone, with God? Or maybe it is through writing. Scribbling out every thought and every emotion, allowing the pages to fill as the weight on your shoulders lift. For many it is some sort of art. Libby Byrne expresses the healing power that opening up can have when she writes,"Art is a way of...being seen and heard in this way that makes a powerful difference. Art is an experience of connectedness, an assurance that we are not alone in our human journey" (Byrne, 116). This is true for any way you feel you best express yourself.
In my own experience, I did this through creating an art journal. My only rules were that I could not erase whatever I did, or practice. It had to be straight from the heart. The freedom that came when I left room for myself to be honest and vulnerable with my experiences changed everything. Instead of piling every hurt up, and questioning why it all felt so heavy, I laid out each burden in the form of a paint stroke, photograph or sketch. When we begin to unpack our burdens before God, we come to understand that not only is He big enough to handle them, but He loves us enough to carry us through each season.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Byrne, Libby. 2016. “Grounded in the Sacred.” Colloquium 48 (2): 116–29
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